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Would you like to dance?
There are moments where we feel like we are caught in a wave of nos. One after the other, the more we get them, the more this invisible negative force starts pulling us down and away from the contrasting joy and happiness of those dancing around us. “It looks so easy… Why can’t I find someone to dance with? Why does no one ask me to dance? What’s wrong with me?” And the more nos we get the harder it gets to want to ask, so we sit in a corner, frowning, passing all possible “no” vibes ourselves.
Yes. We’ve all been there, and it sucks. This post comes from the bottom of a heart that has heard infinite nos and spent several full nights feeling like a rejected little ball of failure ❤︎, it might sound a little harsh, but I’ve seen people leave the dancing world because they got stuck in the “no one wants to dance with me” phase, and hopefully it can help someone out there go through it.
*Also, side note, these reasons apply to both leaders and followers, even though, of course, at most festivals the numbers are unbalanced: more followers than leaders. This means that followers will struggle to find partners more than leaders will, making each no so much harder to hear.
There are so many possible reasons to get a no, very few actually have anything to do with you, I decided to divide the ones I think are the main ones into two buckets:
“not about you” aaaand “maybe it is a little bit about you”:
Ok, let’s start with the easiest one:
The person you asked is
The list could go on forever.
First of all remember how important it is for people to be able to say no to a dance freely. We all fight for an environment where people dance with whom they want, when they want. ALWAYS. This means, some of these nos will eventually be directed at you.
Acknowledge that the person who told you no the fifth time doesn’t know about all other four before them. Life, and specially a forró party, does not revolve around you. Most dancers would say yes if they knew they were your fifth no, if they knew how hard it is sometimes (specially for followers) to not be able to dance for several dances in a row. Just shake it off, take a deep breath and understand “It’s not about you”.
Another tip is to form allies, people you know like dancing with you (make them like dancing with you!). Those are the ones that can “save you” from these negative spirals, you can be honest and say “I really need to dance with you right now”. Most people will understand and either dance with you or keep you company at least!
One more point: GO TO CLASSES. If you are in a festival attend the workshops, this will allow you to meet some people and this will for sure make it easier for you to find someone to dance with at the parties! (Also, it goes without saying: you’ll get better!!)
Now… let’s get to the hard part…
If you do consistently get nos and specially from people you have already danced with before, then there might be other reasons. We all deserve to be treated with care and respect, but we need to do our part to be an attractive partner (and I’m obviously not talking from a looks perspective).
There are of course many other reasons, but I hope this helped some of you rethink your negative waves in the dance world. Things are getting better: many festivals are trying hard to balance their numbers to avoid having too many people “waiting” to dance, many dancers are learning to switch roles (although I think/hope many switch roles because they want to and not out of necessity!). Remember, we’ve all felt the wave of nos and as any wave, the best is not too fight it, but to learn ride it.
Do you agree with these reasons? Do you have other reasons? Let us know!
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